3 years

Hi, my name is Dylan. Currently sitting in bed having a heart burn and listening to Lany songs. Then I thought to myself, does anyone still read blogs? Grabbed my laptop and went to have a look. Opened my account and memories came flushing back. It's amazing how I made those entries a while back regarding a certain someone yet I am reminded about someone else while I went through them. Now my mind wandered somewhere else. Wandered miles away from where I am now. Wandered to someone who I have no chance of ever meeting again. How amazing it is, what started as a struggle to go to bed because of an acid reflux turned into a yearning for the uncertainty. I am scared. I feel sad. I guess the music is just getting in me and I am unable to contain myself. In these times, my thoughts are my greatest company and ally. This sucks, I have always looked for genuine connection from people. I always wanted to feel wanted and feel cared. I sometimes think really that the path I have chosen led me to a dead end regarding romantic relationships. No matter how much the past have fought for gay people, it is still very hard to be gay. It is hard to fit in to social standards. You have to look like those guys in magazines before you ever get noticed. It sucks. It sucks being a part of a community who claims to be discriminated and yet discriminates themselves. Well, on the other hand, I guess I am just boring as well. Who would be interested in arts and crafts anymore, about living in the moment, about romantic dates, about romantic gestures, about effort, about quality time, about food, about connecting, about being an old soul. Today marks my three years here in Australia. 3 years. heartburn. awake. alone. what's missing?

Is anyone still here in blogger? If you are, hit me up?

Late night thoughts

It has been almost a year now. Still here I am stuck in time. It has been almost a year now. My body seems to move forward with my brain left in the past. It's almost 2 am now and I am having a cup of tea in bed listening to music which is what my life feels like. I wonder, whoever is reading this blog if there would still be someone doing it. How's it going mate? What's your cup of tea? Let me share you this, there has been moments where I sit in bed, with my life in front of me yet I don't even know what to do with it. You know what I did? I took a walk one chilly night to somewhere I haven't been at all. It scared the shit out of me thinking I might get mugged, I might get stabbed or worst I might get killed. My thoughts scared me yet my heart felt I needed that moment. Walking so slowly in the dim street lights, thinking, thinking, hoping, hoping, hurting, hurting. I feel silly now, still awake at this time knowing I need to go to school tomorrow morning. I'm sorry to whoever is reading as I reckon I am just wasting your time, like big time lol. I just feel like writing tonight. I better get going now as my bed awaits for my slumber. When will someone ever fill the largest gap left inside me.

Now playing: The Scientist by Coldplay (loving this moment now)

Before it sinks in

It's almost 2 am now and I couldn't sleep. I guess sleeping after a tiring shift really charges me up and a dose of caffeine really isn't helping but thank God for it coz my headache is gone. I came across this song a few days back and thought I'd share this here in my newly refurbished blog. haha

This is a song by Moira Dela Torre called, Before it sinks in.

Suspended in the air

I hear myself breathing

Hanging by a thread

My heart is barely beating

I haven't fallen yet

But I feel it coming

Tell me would it be too much to ask

If you break it to me gently

And I'm waking the next day

Without you beside me

And you hold on to the day

Tomorrow will just be a memory

That I would look back at all of this

And wonder why I stayed in here

Just to watch you disappear

So I breathe and let you go

How do I breathe and let you go?

Before it's too late

I'll take a step away

I know one word would make me go

Rushing back to you

So I'll just shut my eyes

Forget that you were mine

How do you go from making one your home

And then just letting it all go

Let me take it in

Before it sinks in

Far beyond my reach

Is the future you promised

Know what I never even had

I have every reason to miss

And I down away

I can't find the strength to let you go

When the only love I've come to know

Packed his bags and left me alone

You found another home

So before it's too late

I'll take a step away

I know one word would make me go

Rushing back to you

That I'll just shut my eyes

Forget that you were mine

How do you go from making one your home

And then just letting it all go

Let me take it in

Before it sinks in

Before it's too late

I'll take a step away

I know one word would make me go

Rushing back to you

I'll just shut my eyes

Forget that you were mine

How do you go from making one your home

And then just letting it all go

Let me take it in

Before it sinks in

x

why do i feel lonely now? I guess this is just how things are specially when you love someone so much but still you are not enough for them to stay. I guess I was indeed just the journey and never the destination. Why would it be that way? I honestly love him so much I was already looking forward for a life with him. I actually felt everything seems fake now. That it was just a lie. You never did love me...

Why would love has to be complicated? I mean, we all feel love in every way possible. However, this love actually varies from one person to the other and from one case to the next. Why can't love just be as universal as it is? Why does it have types and different form? why can't it be just love? It's just funny because no matter how strong we are, there comes a time where you have this burst of emotion. I am on the edge of what i see as keeping it cool or just giving it all up. what to do, what to do...

Blog entry 1 (New beginnings)

Hi! I am a 23 year old guy who happens to love writing. As you can see with the rest of my blog, I'm not a professional writer nor any good. I just love writing writing stuffs for myself. I started this blog when I was in high school. Our computer subject teacher wanted us to create a blog in which we are to post different stuffs where she could grade them. I wrote a few things regarding some stuffs i find interesting at that time. What seems to be a high school requirement turns to be my output for some of my emotions. I continued writing about my family, about my surroundings, about my experiences, my love life, my happiness and my sorrows. To be honest, i didn't know that someone still read blogs today. I mean, someone would read my blog. Then I came to meet someone who said found me in my blogs and searched for me. Hey, guess what? He found me...